Little known- inside the reasons why….and why not.

by Leslie Cannatella on Wednesday, October 19, 2011 at 12:47pm

I was an abducted child when I was small. The first attempt was when I was 5. My father showed up to my mothers apartment, gun in hand ready to force my mother to 'accept his logic' as to why I should live with him…if she didn't accept, he was simply going to take me no matter what. He, my grandparents and a whole group of other family members felt that I was not being cared for (I was sexually abused as a child by my uncle- not the fault of my mother, but it really freaked my fathers family out) so it WAS REASON enough to the them to take me away from her… he was beaten to the ground by police, and arrested in front of me…gun on the ground. I watched it and thought 'Why does daddy have a gun?!!?' His face pressed against the concrete- he looked up and told me he loved me. Nothing made sense to me…. my parents continued to fight on.

One afternoon, after I turned 6, or perhaps I was 7 (my mother can fill in the blanks- as I have let most of it slip from my mind) my father picked me up for the weekend. I ran out to my grandma's mini-van, all smiles because I was going to see my 'grams' and 'Pa'….the weekends were JUST THE BEST with them!!! We drove away. My father had NO intention of bringing me back. I waved to my mom and she waved back before returning into her home….I wouldn't see her again for close to two years.

Sunday came…'are we going home yet?'….'No, you can stay with us…do you want to stay with us Leslie?' OF COURSE!!! Stay with my grandparents…where I was spoiled??! WHAT KID WOULD BE CRAZY ENOUGH TO TURN THIS DOWN?!?! But the week went into months, and I started to miss my mother and my brothers….my nanna, my aunt Dawn…my family- Would I see them again? They were bad people. My mom spanked me (what kid likes to be spanked?) and I would be abused. Did I want to be abused? My mom had been in and out of trouble for petty thing like hot checks- and my grandparents used it like she was a criminal….they told me she was being looked for by police—only 'bad people' are looked for by police.

Soon, the police came to our home looking for me. My heart was sad and in shock. As I hid in the back room, I listened to the officer speak with my grandfather at the door. 'She isn't here, and even if she was- I wouldn't let you take her! Leslie has been through enough!' My grandfather said to them. The officer asked to enter the home, and my grandfather held his ground letting them know they would not come inside without a warrent to search the house. The police left, he packed some of my things in a bag and waited for my grandmother to come home from work… 'Mary, Leslie has to be moved.'

I was sent to California with my father…we drove for days. We arrived and stayed with a family I had never met before. They had three daughters, and soon- the mother said it was taxing because I was there….people would ask who I was and I would tell them I was part of their family. Being that I was being hidden, and the mother, of course her heart reaching out to me seeing I was a child in need of a mother and family- told my father we would have to go.

We went to my aunt in Oklahoma. We stayed there, gosh, I don't know how long. I remember playing with my cousin Bethany and little baby Greg for days and days….my aunt spoiling me in the little custom dresses she would make for me. We some how ended up leaving there and simply returning to Houston (maybe things had improved and the police were not so difficult) but the rules had changed….I could not play outside anymore. They told me that my mom or the cops could come and take me away if I did….I was so afraid- Taken away?!?! What a scary idea! I never wanted to be 'Taken away from my family!' (though my mother laid in bed crying each night- because I had been TAKEN FROM HER.) I was inrolled in school- my name: Ann, or Anna (by my middle name) I remember the kids teasing me when I would be late in response to the teacher calling my name in the morning 'Ann' she would call…I sat there…the kids laughed. My name is Leslie. I am Leslie Ann….

I played piano and violin- Anna seemed like a well educated and well rounded child. I spoke spanish and french…silent but always with a smile my teacher said. At night I would eat 'princess salad' as my my grandmother called my cottage cheese and fruit, brush my teeth and go to bed….her reading me a book and scratching my back till I fell asleep. I was dearly loved.

I was moved from school. My grandmother picked em up and we had to go. This time she and moved to a apartment in Houston with friends. I was inrolled in a religious school (a religion outside my own where nobody would think to look) and all seemed well. Anna Edwards- as I had come to accept my new life and name, I proudly scribbled at the top of each page. I fit in well, and excelled (of course ^_^) in choir. 'OH HOLY NIGHT' I belted from my skinny little frame- Anna was a little star, and the Christmas program was coming up! I was pulled from being able to sing, I watched the dark sky outside the airplane window….I was on my way to Oklahoma to see my Aunt for Christmas. 'O holy night' was sang without me- and I sat- looking through the darkness of the sky…my mind began to think of Christmas' so long ago with my nanna and family…our living room full of gifts and Hot Scottish wassel, the smell filling the house. My nanna's home made pie and my brothers bright blonde curls as he ran through the house….I had a baby brother too….how did he look now? I wondered….My mamma…what is she doing? Are they making the tree without me? I broke down. My little heart was just so very tired….Anna- Leslie….LESLIE ANN was a tired little girl. My grandmother pulled me close and I fell asleep. I woke up and we were greeted by my aunt and cousins! So happy to see them! Christmas passed- the adults having serious conversations in the kitchen, I suppose my family was tired too….we all were.

I was sleeping at home in Houston when my grandpa (bless his heart) woke me in the middle of the night yelling, 'Leslie HIDE! The cops are here!' I went underneath my bed, and they put some boxes in front of me. My grandmother in tears from fear….my whole home was IN FEAR. I layed there and held my stuffed black spider- and waited for all to simply pass. The police argued with my family- they opened the attic like SWAT shoving my grandfather and searching for me. I was afraid…so afraid! 'I know she is here!' One officer yelled at my grandfather—-'I wil take you all to jail!' I wanted to run from where I was and give myself to them….I was a 'bad guy' a person searched for by police! If I could just tell them I was there, maybe they would leave my family alone!!! I promised my grandfather NO MATTER WHAT I would stay put….I would not move or speak. The police ripped apart my room. 'Someone was sleeping here!!!' he yelled….my grandfather 'I was- so WHAT if my wife and I don't stay in the same room- it's not your problem'….'I don't think so sir—where is Leslie?!!!' They called my name….I sat frozen…Please GOD don't let these men take me! I peaked a little from the bed and could see they had guns! I layed against the wall….eventually they moved the items in front of me….lights flashing in my face…. 'I have her!' The cop yelled 'I found the child!'……I watched my grandparents- heart broken and crying—I was taken away.

I slept in the police station that night. I begged them to let me go home…they told me I was going to be returned to my family tomorrow. The next day came, my grandmother brought me clothes and brushed my hair. She cried and told me that I was going to see my mom today..and to simply remember the song from 'An American Tail' -"Somewhere out there"….and know that she was always thinking of me. I was driven away in a police car towards the court house. I was going to see my mother…would I be abused?

My mother saw me….tall, MUCH TALLER than I was before and not the same little baby she remembered! She ran towards me….me to her, and we hugged! She cried (I cry now as I write this….I never imagined her pain…but I KNOW now) 'Let's go home!' Her and my aunt took me to our new apartment in Dickinson…. My brothers saw me first…Ryan simply watched me…Chris was silent. I hugged them and my mother took me to my room. My room was BEAUTIFUL! I had my own room….it was decorated like a princess fairytale!!! My gosh- I was HOME!

The next months, my happiness declined- my mother came in to find my room taken apart and in the floor around me. Curtians ripped from the wall and me crying. She saw that she really had alot of work on her hands….I was now a nine year old girl- sad, not understanding where I fit in. I didn't know anyone, even my own brothers were odd to me. I asked about my father and my family in Houston- she quickly told me they were ok, but I could not see them anymore till I was older. I cried. My mother held me and cried too…my young mother, what could she do? I was not Anna anymore. I wrote my name at the top of my paper in class that day 'Leslie Ann Edwards' ….. I was once again, Leslie…but what was it worth? Leslie was a victim of people's 'good intentions' and love…..

The years that followed were difficult, and I eventually grew into a well adjusted little girl- young woman. I was always torn- and ripped by the years of 'war' between my families…and often thought 'Who am I?' I fought against my family badly- 'I don't want to be here anymore!' I would yell. I just wanted a normal life. My mother was desperate…what else could she do to make me happy?

My mother became my best friend. My father was not really heard from very much- we would see eachother from time to time. I played sports and became active in church. Later, I returned to see my grandparents…but the years had stripped so much from us. I told my mother I was old enough to make a choice and decided to spend time with my sisters…I had little sisters now! I wanted to live with my other family, and in Katy Texas- I did so. I stayed there till my mom talked me into coming back to Dickinson- she needed her best friend…I again moved.

From there- I arrived here. I am now the young mother of children I do not see. Branimir and Sofia have been missing from me for almost 3 years now. I feel EVERY OUNCE of pain my mother did. And in fear, I often wonder how this will affect my children…I know how much it hurt ME as a child! 'WHY DON'T YOU go and get them Leslie?!?! Just take them and run!'—-nope. My parents did that….it left scars deep in my skin. My grandparents were RIGHT. MY MOTHER WAS RIGHT! MY FATHER WAS RIGHT!!!! Nobody was wrong…they all wanted to raise me and let me have my family—they simply could not do this without fighting eachother…so, I had to suffer.

Branimir? Sofia? What now? Years have passed…will they watch me with the same pain and oddness that I did when I first saw my family? Are they told that I am a 'monster' or a criminal? What will happen? I don't know. I pray nightly for peace…most of all for them. I will suffer as long as I must in order to know that my precious babies live a normal and stable life. I PRAY that my ex will eventually allow them to slowly return to my life and we can all eventually be a LARGE extended family in the future…my children in the end, making the choice as to HOW they feel, and where they want to live. Please Lord, do not let my children be victims of 'Peoples good intentions and love'….my ex husband is right- he wants to be a father…but in this, he has taken my ability to be a mommy! I am a mother! A mother who wakes up without her children….what an odd feeling.

I shared this story….I never tell people about it, and many of you (friends I have had forever) might be in shock that it actually took place…simply because I want people to understand—-I HAVE BEEN THE MISSING CHILD. It hurt. I don't want my children to hurt the same.

I will continue each day to write my ex in kindness- laugh and joke in my emails about old times and talk about how beautiful my children are in the recent pictures I got. I will continue my peaceful protest against what has happened, and hope oneday- he will feel warmth in his heart and reach out to me too.

Until then….I am Leslie Ann…a mother…a wife, a sister, a best friend….I am a daughter to a mother who once felt pain of my missing from home…..I am Leslie, waiting for her children to come home.

I will not stop.